Thinking of having a Self-Uniting Ceremony?
Eloping or planning a wedding that is completely personal and unique to your relationship? A self-uniting ceremony might be the perfect option for you! This type of ceremony allows couples to marry without an officiant, making it a deeply personal and intimate experience. In this guide, we'll cover everything you need to know to plan your self-uniting wedding, including which states allow them, what to include, and how to craft a ceremony that feels authentic to you.
Why Choose a Self-Uniting Wedding Ceremony?
A self-uniting ceremony offers a level of flexibility and intimacy that traditional weddings often don’t. Here are some of the key benefits:
Personalized Experience – You can craft a ceremony that is entirely your own, reflecting your values, beliefs, and love story.
No Need for an Officiant – This means you don’t need to find and hire someone to lead the ceremony, allowing for a truly private and meaningful moment.
More Freedom in Location – Without the need for an officiant, you can marry anywhere—on a mountaintop, in a forest, or even in your living room!
Budget-Friendly – Since you won’t be hiring an officiant, you save on additional wedding costs.
Which States Allow Self-Uniting Weddings?
Not all states allow self-uniting marriages, so it’s important to check local laws before planning your ceremony. As of now, the following states permit self-uniting weddings:
Pennsylvania – Available due to the state’s Quaker heritage. Some counties may require you to affirm your religious or philosophical beliefs, but most allow it for any couple.
Colorado – Allows couples to solemnize their own marriage without restrictions.
Wisconsin – Permits self-uniting marriages, but couples must sign an affidavit stating they are acting without officiation.
Washington, D.C. – Couples can self-officiate their wedding legally.
California, Illinois, Kansas, Maine, Nevada – Some limited circumstances allow self-uniting marriages, but requirements may vary by county.
Always check with the county clerk in your chosen location to confirm the current requirements!
What to Include in Your Ceremony
Because a self-uniting ceremony has no officiant, you get to decide exactly how it flows. Here are some common elements to include:
1. Welcome & Opening Statement
Start by setting the tone for the ceremony. You might welcome your guests (if you have any) or acknowledge the special moment you’re about to share.
2. Your Love Story
Take a moment to reflect on your journey as a couple. How did you meet? What moments define your relationship? What brought you to this day?
3. Vows
Writing your own vows can make the ceremony even more personal. See tips below!
4. Exchange of Rings
If you're exchanging rings, you can say a few words about their significance before placing them on each other's fingers.
5. Unity Ceremony (Optional)
A unity ceremony is a symbolic act representing your union. Ideas are included later in this post!
6. Declaration of Marriage
Since there’s no officiant to pronounce you married, you can do it yourselves! Something simple like: "By the power of our love and commitment, we now declare ourselves married!" works beautifully.
7. First Kiss & Celebration
And of course, seal it all with a kiss!
Tips for Writing Your Own Vows
Writing your own vows can feel like a daunting task, but it doesn’t have to be! Here are some tips to help:
Reflect on Your Relationship – Think about what makes your relationship special and what promises you want to make for your future.
Be Authentic – Speak from the heart, and don’t feel like you have to sound poetic or formal.
Keep It Concise – Aim for 1-2 minutes per person. You want them to be meaningful but not overwhelming.
Add a Personal Touch – Include inside jokes, favorite memories, or meaningful quotes that resonate with your love story.
Practice Out Loud – Reading your vows aloud will help you find the right rhythm and emotion.
Example Self-Uniting Ceremony Script
Opening Statement:“Today, we stand together in this beautiful place to make a lifelong commitment to one another. With no one but ourselves to unite us, we affirm that our love is strong, our bond is unbreakable, and our journey together is just beginning.”
Exchange of Vows:[Each person reads their personal vows.]
Ring Exchange:“With this ring, I promise to stand by your side, to love you fiercely, and to honor our journey together.”
Unity Ceremony (Optional)[See ideas below!]
Declaration of Marriage:"By the power of our love and the promises we’ve made today, we now declare ourselves married!"
The Kiss & Celebration!
Unity Ceremony Ideas
A unity ceremony can add a symbolic element to your self-uniting wedding. Here are some unique ideas:
1. Handfasting
A Celtic tradition where the couple’s hands are bound together with a ribbon or cord to symbolize their union.
2. Sand Ceremony
Each partner pours a different-colored sand into a single vessel, representing the blending of their lives.
3. Tree Planting or Watering
Planting a tree together signifies the growth and strength of your marriage.
4. A Ceremonial Shot or Toast
If you share a love of a favorite alcohol, often my couples will bring a bottle and take a drink together! You can even bring 2 types of wine (that will compliment each other of course) and blend them together before a toast.
5. Love Letters & Time Capsule
Write letters to each other before the wedding and seal them in a box to open on a future anniversary. Some couples will also include a wine that will age well and that they can drink on the anniversary as well.
6. Lasso Ceremony
A traditional ritual in Mexico, Filipino, and other Spanish cultures where the officiant drapes a floral garland or rosary around the couple, twisting it into an infinity symbol.
7. Paint Pouring Ceremony
Each person chooses a color and pours their paint together onto a single canvas. The couples will blend together, creating a piece of modern art to represent the blending of two lives together.
8. A Ritual You Already Do At Home
I had a couple once who made a PB&J every night, and so during their wedding ceremony they made a PB&J together, cut it in half, and ate it. I've also seen couples eat pizza and make gualamole! Think of something you love to do together in your regular lives and how you can incorporate that into your ceremony (it doesn't have to be food related of course)
Final Thoughts
A self-uniting wedding ceremony is a beautiful and deeply personal way to get married, allowing you to focus on what truly matters—your love and commitment to each other. By crafting a ceremony that reflects your relationship, writing heartfelt vows, and incorporating meaningful elements, you can create an unforgettable experience that is uniquely yours.
Ready to begin planning your dream wedding?
I'm Carly, a destination wedding and elopement photographer + planning guide who's documented weddings from Hawaii to Scotland. My top priority on elopement days is to help you create an experience, not just deliver great photos. I want to tell your wedding story, share the emotions you felt that day and the fun you shared together, and provide you with memories that you'll love forever. And in addition to photography, I'll also provide:
✓ Location Scouting & Research
✓ Vendor Recommendations
✓ Customized Timeline Building
✓ Activity Recommendations
✓ Assistance with Permits
✓ An exclusive elopement planning guide
If you're ready to take the first step towards your best day ever, fill out the contact form on my site! We'll talk about all of the possibilities, ease your mind of any hesitations you may still have about eloping, and get planning!
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